so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
