he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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