when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
