pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
