I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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