That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't turn off my feet"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
