As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
