Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
