Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
