i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
