This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
operation have a gay friend backfired
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
