Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
