I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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