One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
