Is it because I queefed?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
