your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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