my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
