I hate all girls vehemently.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
