i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
