I think my vagina is haunted
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
