He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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