he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
