Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
