can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
