they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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