Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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