You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
