It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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