I must be too annoying 4 u.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize