no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am naked and annoyed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
