I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
