I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
