Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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