once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
