Im at strip club and am horny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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