having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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