I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
