When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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