I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
