The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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