im having a threesome with these popsicles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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