Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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