Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
