I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
