hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
