I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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