sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
