I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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