Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
