living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize