i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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