Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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