if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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