That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
