JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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