Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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