what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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