talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
