She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize