Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
