Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
