New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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