Your face is a jimmy john
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize