so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
