I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
