Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
