You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
