i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I faked an abortion last night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
