MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
