i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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