I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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