So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
